I know I promised only one post on the twelfth day of each month, but to get us firmly grounded in our Year Of, I am adding today's bonus post.
Yesterday was all about figuring out how the old behavior that you are trying to change must, in some way, have filled a need. I described how working over time filled my need for a sense of self worth. The unrealistic schedule left me feeling like I wasn't do anything very well and eventually the feelings of defeat motivated me to name my year the Year of Peace.
Whether it is disorganization, impatience, imbalance, dishonesty, avoidance, lack of exercise, overspending, complacency, or harboring anger, I hope you will find time to think about what need your old behaviors were meeting. Understanding that is one way to get clear on what you must do differently in 2012.
Another way to be successful in 2012 is to convince your Limbic brain (your emotional brain) that it has nothing to worry about. As explained by MJ Ryan in her book, This Year I Will, the Limbic brain is on the lookout for pain and danger and when it sees it, it automatically goes into flight mode. If the changes you are contemplating seem too scary, too hard, or no fun, your emotional brain is going to work against it.
On the flipside, the more you can find what's fun and enjoyable about what you want, the more your emotional brain will cooperate.
I derive pleasure from working and feeling like I am making a contribution, so telling myself that I am going to lower my expectations and work less would send an unwelcome message to my limbic brain. I would go into flight mode, avoiding the bad feelings, and my Year of Peace would eventually go by the wayside like so many other New Year's resolutions.
Instead, I get my emotional brain to cooperate by telling it about all the fun and enjoyable benefits of achieving peace.
It's going to feel great to focus on one work project at a time and see it through to completion.
I am going to be healthier, because making time to exercise won't feel like borrowed time anymore.
Life will be more full and rich because of the friendships I have rekindled.
I will get to wake up and go to sleep every night confident I am healthy, because I allowed a break in my schedule to visit doctors.
Already my Limbic brain is saying, "Sign me up! When can we get started?"
How about you? Take five or ten minutes out of your day to make a list of all the good, fun, and enjoyable things that will come from your new behavior. The comment section is the perfect place to brainstorm.
Shining off until...
A peek inside why I named my year the Year of Peace will help illustrate an important point that must be considered when tackling your "Year Of" - understanding what need your current behavior is addressing.
Here's my story:
I recently realized that I have worked harder and driven myself more, since moving to Texas with my family four years ago, than I ever did during my 22 years working in higher education. Interestingly enough, it happened at a time in my life when I could have justified slowing down. My kids were young and our family had a little more cash flow than in years prior.
The relentless pace served a purpose, though. My rigorous schedule made me feel valued and like I was still making a contribution, despite leaving the comfort of a structured job, a designated office, and a fancy title.
So I worked more
and longer
and harder
and used phrases like, "I'm so busy", "I have so much to do" and " I feel like I am on borrowed time."
Friends stopped hearing from me because I didn't feel like I had time to talk on the phone; to get lost on facebook; or to learn how to play Words With Friends, as a way of staying connected.
Stacks of paper piled up in the corner of my desk because I didn't want to take time out to file them; respond to them; or, God forbid, turn something into an actionable item that must then be added to my growing list of thing to do.
Doctors appointments were avoided because they required me to lose work time twice: first to make the appointment and then to keep it.
But all the while I was beating myself up
for not getting more done
for falling out of touch with friends
for letting stacks accumulate, for not following through with more of my ideas, and
for not being more proactive about my health.
On the one hand I was working a relentless schedule and making all kinds of concessions because of it. On the otherhand I was beating myself up for how busy I was, why I wasn't getting more done, and for not being better about all the things that were falling through the cracks.
Increasingly I felt unsettled and, in my quiet time, I could hear myself wishing for a sense of peace. Eventually the consquence of not changing seemed far worse than the work that would be involved in finding that peace.
What I realized is that my behavior was addressing my need to know I mattered, even though I was no longer working for someone else in a full-time professional position.
How about you? What need is your behavior addressing and how might being more aware help you tackle your Year Of?
Shining off until...
It occurs to me that I can either be consumed or I can be a consumer, but not both.
Yesterday alone I received upwards of 20 emails from companies who were trying to convince me to visit their site and buy something:
Pottery Barn, "Last day for sale!"
Title Nine, "Toast the new year and treat yourself"
Garnet Hill, "Biggest sale of the year"
Crate and Barrel, "Save up to 20%"
Ann Taylor, "Fall in love"
Talbots, "40-70 % Off"
Sundance, "New jewelry styles are here"
Envelopes.com, "Tweet all about it"
Michaels, "Attention crafters"
Johnnie Boden, "Further reductions"
I deleted them all before opening a single one, because I didn't have time. I am consumed with powering the planet with shine. I have posts to write, programs to coordinate, training to develop, ideas to flesh out, books and articles to read, and meetings to attend.
If I accepted every invitation that was presented to be a consumer, I would never ever have time to be consumed with things that really mattered - like writing this post and prompting you to wonder if the same is true of you and your life.
House of Shine Comment Section, "Stop now and tell us what you think."
Shining off until...