Hmmm....I wonder if some of it is a function of the dreams and whether they CAN be achieved in "high rise" fashion or need the step by step approach.
See...my professional aspirations are not ones where steps can be skipped they have to be systematically moved towards, slow and steady.

To me the difference between your cousin's approach and your approach is that he has NO DOUBT that he will make it happen, PERIOD. I do admire Richard and your cousin in that they have no self doubt (or if they do it doesn't show). They truly believe that they are 100% equipped to make their dreams happen.

Kudos to your cousin for looking out and taking into consideration his wife being uprooted and moved. I know that was my and is still my major issue on our last move here to Illinois.

I was thinking about this recently.... I still remember all my fellow classmates in grade school, if I were to see the class picture... I could name my teachers... but I don't think either of my kids remember living in Tennesse for their first five years... they never talk about it. Here in Illinois.... most all the families in our direct neighborhood both work outside the home, and have alternate summer cabins up north in WI.... so they are gone... and when we are together... it's a lot of 'remember when??" the good ole days.... we had a lot of fun with our neighbors in TN.... but we moved away... outta sight, outta mind.... even went on vacation with some families ...

Is it harder to make friends when you get older? Yes and no... most people are open and welcome new people... do they have 'time' to make time to get to know you.....not if their busy.

I think dreams can be different... especially if you didn't envision your life ending up in a whole 'nother place....

I think this is cause for a celebration. Let's celebrate our differences. There are those people that can just jump in feet first, heck, head first and make things happen. Then there those of us that methodically just take one careful step after careful step. I do envy those people that have such vision that the can trust their dive. They meet their fear of failure (or lack thereof is probably more like it) head on and make things happen. Risk to them is just another word.

My best advice (and it's not worth much) is just be who you are. Do what you love and recognize the abundance that you have in your life. Dream. Focus. Work. Do. Be.


That is really sweet that he was most worried about his wife making friends. :)

I admire those people who are able to just jump in feet first and not look back. However, I know one thing for certain- I'm not that type of person.

I have been talking a lot with some of my students lately about positive vs. negative energy and how they can best spend their days. I feel like if I tried to take the jump right in approach, I'd be emiting negative energy because I'd be so fully of worry about my change in style. That's negative energy that is taking away from something positive.

I can't change the way that I do things and so I will continue to take the slow and steady approach that works for me. I admire those who are different than me, but I am comfortable with what makes me who I am. It's not that I'm settling for mediocrity because I'm still reaching for big dreams, I just have my way of getting me there. To each their own. :)

I wonder if being a male has something to do with the boldness? I am not one to typically think gender plays a role - we all can make our own path - but after reading everyone's responses, I think as women we are more likely to choose what is comfortable. Maybe it's an innate fear of failing, or the mothering instinct to protect what we have and keep it safe. Not sure...

I know that I really want to be bold and make a major life change, but the comfort and stability I feel in my current place keeps me here. The money is good, the job is enjoyable, my kids are connected to friends and schools, and why take all of that stability and rock the boat.

Hmm... I don't like thinking of our approach as wrong or of less value. Does it de-value what we HAVE accomplished in our slow and steady steps? Do we shine any less because we didn't take giant leaps to get where we are? Do we still have many steps to go? Of course, and we always will. Even those brave divers. Once they accomplish one thing it's on to the next big dive. Just because we like to stay in the shallow end doesn't mean we shine any less. I can admire what they do but I'm not sure all the self-improvement work in the world will help me be a diver and risk taker because that's not my M.O. That's not how I tick. Would I be any happier than I am right now? And yeah, I get it. Aspire to be. There are just as many divers that have jumped into an empty pool and not succeeded and I don't envy them.


It may also be related to this theory... men tend to value themselves by what they've accomplished. They define themselves by their jobs and their position in the world. They are happiest as achievers. Women tend to value themselves by the quality of their relationships. Are their relationships with their family, their friends, their co-workers solid, happy ones. They are happiest when their relationships are good. I learned that in marriage counseling. So it very well could be the difference between men and women though I believe it's just a generalization.

I also think it is a function of WHAT you want to achieve. In the business world bold is good (though like Cheryl I'd have to agree about diving into the empty pool). In education it has to be step by step.
Claudia I'd say you have taken big leaps...moving from one place to another for a job, leaving the field you love to follow your muse...all those are big leaps that not everyone will or has done.

I think I'll choose to believe in the old adage, "Slow and steady wins the race". It might not appear to be that way right now but in the long term we all end up at the same place and I'd prefer to know I got there without sacrificing my family and happiness in the process.

And I think also we all have to keep perspective. What WE consider slow and steady I think many people aspire to achieve as much as we have in their entire life.

I'm impressed with everyone's comments.
I believe that you have to act according to what you believe. You can't force yourself to act like someone else (ie bold) because it's not your genuine self. But you may choose to expand your comfort level to more adventurous choices. In the end you have to know yourself.

Ive tried do go beyond my comfort zone in the past couple months. I signed up to go to a conference in Chicago for bloggers. I'm not the outgoing conversationalist and I might miss Matthew's swim meet. Two things that normally would make me turn down the opportunity. But I want to qualify for Disney Moms so I have to up my ranking, increase followers, meet more companies and work towards a sponsor. So I did something I wouldnt normally do. I don't think that's bold but rather a calculated decision to meet a goal.

It's all about perspective.

I tend to go the high-rise approach and then wonder about the stair-case in the process . . . DOH! lol. It veries depending on aspects of my life. Professionally, all high-rise aspirations and energy. Personally, very much a staircase . . . upward spiral even.

Dana... I LOVE the visual of the spiral staircase. Slow and steady and even winding - meaning that sometimes we might be doubling back over ground we have already covered! That feels like something I can relate to!

That adds a whole new dimension.