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I know I promised only one post on the twelfth day of each month, but to get us firmly grounded in our Year Of, I am adding today's bonus post.
Yesterday was all about figuring out how the old behavior that you are trying to change must, in some way, have filled a need. I described how working over time filled my need for a sense of self worth. The unrealistic schedule left me feeling like I wasn't do anything very well and eventually the feelings of defeat motivated me to name my year the Year of Peace.
Whether it is disorganization, impatience, imbalance, dishonesty, avoidance, lack of exercise, overspending, complacency, or harboring anger, I hope you will find time to think about what need your old behaviors were meeting. Understanding that is one way to get clear on what you must do differently in 2012.
Another way to be successful in 2012 is to convince your Limbic brain (your emotional brain) that it has nothing to worry about. As explained by MJ Ryan in her book, This Year I Will, the Limbic brain is on the lookout for pain and danger and when it sees it, it automatically goes into flight mode. If the changes you are contemplating seem too scary, too hard, or no fun, your emotional brain is going to work against it.
On the flipside, the more you can find what's fun and enjoyable about what you want, the more your emotional brain will cooperate.
I derive pleasure from working and feeling like I am making a contribution, so telling myself that I am going to lower my expectations and work less would send an unwelcome message to my limbic brain. I would go into flight mode, avoiding the bad feelings, and my Year of Peace would eventually go by the wayside like so many other New Year's resolutions.
Instead, I get my emotional brain to cooperate by telling it about all the fun and enjoyable benefits of achieving peace.
It's going to feel great to focus on one work project at a time and see it through to completion.
I am going to be healthier, because making time to exercise won't feel like borrowed time anymore.
Life will be more full and rich because of the friendships I have rekindled.
I will get to wake up and go to sleep every night confident I am healthy, because I allowed a break in my schedule to visit doctors.
Already my Limbic brain is saying, "Sign me up! When can we get started?"
How about you? Take five or ten minutes out of your day to make a list of all the good, fun, and enjoyable things that will come from your new behavior. The comment section is the perfect place to brainstorm.
Shining off until...
On days that I squeeze in time to walk I always follow the same route, because I like the familiarity.
I recently learned something important from one of the houses along my route - a lesson about the complacency that, I think, comes from familiarity. I wonder if you will agree.
I have probably passed the house I am talking about at least three times a week for the past four years. Initially it was noticeable because it was rundown. The grass never looked mowed, the paint on the shutters was chipping off, and fencing around the house was falling down.
And there was more.
A faded yellow moving truck was always parked in the driveway with the trunk backed up to the garage door,
one of the garage doors was always raised about five inches off the ground,
and a slight, but steady stream of water seemed to constantly flow from beneath the garage door.
Only twice in four years did I ever see anyone outside the house: once it was an elderly couple climbing into the seats of that old yellow truck and the second time it was a middle-aged man wandering the front yard.
To me there was no sense of urgency. They were a curiosity, a point of interest that kept my walks interesting - a mere backdrop to my familiar walking route.
But herein lies the lesson:
That's not all that house was. That house - in it's ongoing state of disrepair and infrequent activity - was the sign of people in need.
I know that now, because suddenly - as in overnight - the house was emptied and the front door was boarded up. No more truck. And one more thing: that house that sat dormant for so was long was suddenly buzzing with activity - landscapers, pest control, plumbers, and now...a realtor.
Here is my "aha" about that house, familiarity, and complacency:
A house in disrepair is not unlike a person in pain, slowly falling apart from the inside out. To us maybe a curiosity or a mere backdrop to an otherwise uneventful walk through life. But, to that person - to the house - the disheveled appearance or erratic behavior is a call for help.
I feel sad that for four years I passed the house, from the sidewalk across the street, treating it like a point of interest. I watched as people who were clearly in need fell further behind until, finally, one day they could do it no longer. I wonder how the ending might have changed if I would have rung the doorbell or if the landscaper, pest control, and plumber would have shown up before it was too late.
Is there someone in your life, who you pass regularly, and whose shutters are falling off or whose grass needs to be mowed? Could you cross the street and ring the door bell to see if he needs help?
Shining off until...
Lunch with friends the other day has left me thinking about those who successfully meet their goals and those who do not.
We see it time and again with authors of books such as 29 Gifts, 365 Thank Yous, and The Happiness Project, as well as with friends and colleagues who successfully keep New Years resolutions or commit to their "Year Of". People who successfully meet their goals are disciplined.
D-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e-d.
Looked at another way, you might say people who successfully meet their goals have rearranged the letters of their own law to realize:
i D-e-c-i-d-e.
i decide to name my year the Year of Love and then to wholeheartedly embrace it by having the discipline to read books, attend seminars, and change the way I approach relationships (the way Cheryl has).
i decide to make good on my Year of the Triathlon. To be disciplined enough that I utilize small pockets of time to exercise even though I am tired (the way Heather has).
i decide that finding a cure for breast cancer is so important that disciplining myself to talk to one person each day for an entire year is enough to add up and to make a difference. i decide to name that year the Year of One (the way Karlie has).
Lunch with this inspiring group of friends has taught me that the key to successfully checking boxes and accomplishing goals is not simply being d-i-s-c-i-p-l-i-n-e-d. No. The key, as discovered by these women, is having enough conviction to say, "i d-e-c-i-d-e"
Shining off until...