Category: Personal Development
Years ago, during one of my regular walks through Parr Park, I spotted a path in my periphery; a long path leading to I didn't know where.
For months on end, I continued noticing the path, but kept on moving.
After a year or so of doing this, I went from just noticing the path to anticipating it. Winter, summer, spring, and fall, I peered around the corner where the path sits and breathed an ever so small sigh of relief, because the path was still there and looked as inviting as it did yesterday.
Evenutally I began entertaining the idea of detouring from my familiar and well traveled path, so I could follow this new one - the path I'd been watching from afar for so long.
But not today.
Today I am busy following the status quo.
And not tomorrow
Because tomorrow I have a meeting scheduled right after my walk and the path might lead me somewhere that I'm not prepared to go.
Oh, and not next week either.
Next week it's supposed to rain, so the conditions won't be right.
But eventually my curiousity about what lay at the other end of that path grew
and grew
and grew
until eventually not taking the path became more distracting than deciding to do just do it.
Tomorrow I'll tell you about my adventure, but today I have a question for you:
What path have you been eyeing from afar, wondering about, and trying to muster up the courage to take?
Tomorrow already begins the second month of a brand new year. Time is ticking. I say take the path.
Shining off until..
I know I promised only one post on the twelfth day of each month, but to get us firmly grounded in our Year Of, I am adding today's bonus post.
Yesterday was all about figuring out how the old behavior that you are trying to change must, in some way, have filled a need. I described how working over time filled my need for a sense of self worth. The unrealistic schedule left me feeling like I wasn't do anything very well and eventually the feelings of defeat motivated me to name my year the Year of Peace.
Whether it is disorganization, impatience, imbalance, dishonesty, avoidance, lack of exercise, overspending, complacency, or harboring anger, I hope you will find time to think about what need your old behaviors were meeting. Understanding that is one way to get clear on what you must do differently in 2012.
Another way to be successful in 2012 is to convince your Limbic brain (your emotional brain) that it has nothing to worry about. As explained by MJ Ryan in her book, This Year I Will, the Limbic brain is on the lookout for pain and danger and when it sees it, it automatically goes into flight mode. If the changes you are contemplating seem too scary, too hard, or no fun, your emotional brain is going to work against it.
On the flipside, the more you can find what's fun and enjoyable about what you want, the more your emotional brain will cooperate.
I derive pleasure from working and feeling like I am making a contribution, so telling myself that I am going to lower my expectations and work less would send an unwelcome message to my limbic brain. I would go into flight mode, avoiding the bad feelings, and my Year of Peace would eventually go by the wayside like so many other New Year's resolutions.
Instead, I get my emotional brain to cooperate by telling it about all the fun and enjoyable benefits of achieving peace.
It's going to feel great to focus on one work project at a time and see it through to completion.
I am going to be healthier, because making time to exercise won't feel like borrowed time anymore.
Life will be more full and rich because of the friendships I have rekindled.
I will get to wake up and go to sleep every night confident I am healthy, because I allowed a break in my schedule to visit doctors.
Already my Limbic brain is saying, "Sign me up! When can we get started?"
How about you? Take five or ten minutes out of your day to make a list of all the good, fun, and enjoyable things that will come from your new behavior. The comment section is the perfect place to brainstorm.
Shining off until...
A peek inside why I named my year the Year of Peace will help illustrate an important point that must be considered when tackling your "Year Of" - understanding what need your current behavior is addressing.
Here's my story:
I recently realized that I have worked harder and driven myself more, since moving to Texas with my family four years ago, than I ever did during my 22 years working in higher education. Interestingly enough, it happened at a time in my life when I could have justified slowing down. My kids were young and our family had a little more cash flow than in years prior.
The relentless pace served a purpose, though. My rigorous schedule made me feel valued and like I was still making a contribution, despite leaving the comfort of a structured job, a designated office, and a fancy title.
So I worked more
and longer
and harder
and used phrases like, "I'm so busy", "I have so much to do" and " I feel like I am on borrowed time."
Friends stopped hearing from me because I didn't feel like I had time to talk on the phone; to get lost on facebook; or to learn how to play Words With Friends, as a way of staying connected.
Stacks of paper piled up in the corner of my desk because I didn't want to take time out to file them; respond to them; or, God forbid, turn something into an actionable item that must then be added to my growing list of thing to do.
Doctors appointments were avoided because they required me to lose work time twice: first to make the appointment and then to keep it.
But all the while I was beating myself up
for not getting more done
for falling out of touch with friends
for letting stacks accumulate, for not following through with more of my ideas, and
for not being more proactive about my health.
On the one hand I was working a relentless schedule and making all kinds of concessions because of it. On the otherhand I was beating myself up for how busy I was, why I wasn't getting more done, and for not being better about all the things that were falling through the cracks.
Increasingly I felt unsettled and, in my quiet time, I could hear myself wishing for a sense of peace. Eventually the consquence of not changing seemed far worse than the work that would be involved in finding that peace.
What I realized is that my behavior was addressing my need to know I mattered, even though I was no longer working for someone else in a full-time professional position.
How about you? What need is your behavior addressing and how might being more aware help you tackle your Year Of?
Shining off until...